Where has the year gone and more importantly where have the six decades I have been alive gone? How is it possible that I am now older than my father was when he died?
When I was 29 I started writing decade goals and each decade has a long list. I have now written 4 decade lists and whilst I haven’t achieved everything they have shaped my life.
I remember looking at that first list and wondering how I would ever achieve any of it. My 20’s had been pretty awful and after a failed marriage I was terribly overweight (even more so than now) and I felt that I shouldn’t do anything fun until I lost all of the weight. I would daydream; maybe one day, when I lose weight, I will learn to swim, travel, scuba dive, fly an aeroplane, get nice clothes again. I say ‘again’ because I used to be slim enough and I wore the most beautiful clothes by designers like Ossie Clarke. After that rough patch I ended up wearing dungarees and mens oversized jumpers to hide everything. Evans was my go to place and I looked a mess. Then one day I decided that I could no longer put my life on hold. I decided to get on with things and to stop using my weight as an excuse. I bought the best clothes I could afford, I took up an array of activities including sailing and by the end of that decade I met the man of my dreams.
In my late 40’s I decided to write a list for every decade up to my 90’s. I was chatting about it with a friend, he turned to me and said ‘it’s all too late for you, you’ll probably die before you get to 60’. He was referring to my weight, of course! His perception of life was that overweight people would all die young and that they pretty much deserved to. I was saddened by his response, but more than that I was truly shocked. Eventually I got to thinking that he was just an arse and an unkind arse at that. So, even though losing weight appears on every list, I am still fat and yes, I wish I wasn’t and yes, I get very defensive about it and yes, I know its a simple as: ‘exercise more and eat and drink less’.
There is, however, one thing that I would quite like to do and that is to wear a beautiful designer frock again. Maybe it should be added to my list for the next decade! Or maybe, I should get on with living each day to the full and stop worrying about what I wear!